There’s nothing like listening to a few soothing Slipknot songs to calm down after a long day of writing. I love being a writer. I am mainly happy about being a writer because of all the sex I’m not having, in fact there is so much not having sex going on here in my apartment that I am beginning to feel guilty about being so not lubricious.
I always thought it was funny that Slipknot chose the name All Hope Is Gone for one of their albums, I heard that album sold pretty well, maybe they meant to write Hey Let’s All Not Have Sex instead?
No more hope, or sex, or whatever, why the fuck are we standing in this field.
A friend of mine said something to me recently about girls being more inclined to like self-deprecating guys (I may have been drunk at the time, so by all means feel free to quote me here). I am pretty self-deprecating, so obviously I have all the skills necessary for attracting females, however a different friend of mine told me that I am in danger of burning in hell, so I’m still a little bit uncertain about whether I should expect sex, hell, neither, or both. If only life was simple again, like when I lived in Brazil and had sex with Saci-pererê.
At work today, I overheard one of our humor writers make a reference to Donnie Darko, which reminded me of Gary Jules, which led me to stop listening to Slipknot just now and search Grooveshark for Mad World, which I am now listening to, although it’s technically a techno remix of said song and not the original Jules cover of Tears For Fears’ original song. Also, I shouldn’t really say “overheard” because the humor writers sit basically right next to me, although I don’t know any of their names yet, and I am forced to listen to their insane outbursts of mirthful inspiration throughout the day. It distracts me, but it’s a welcome distraction, plus it gives me ideas sometimes.
Ah, Maker’s Mark, blessed be thy name among whiskey names! Oh hey I just noticed this is 90-proof, okay, blessing still applies I guess. 90 is better than 80, at least that’s what they said about the report cards in grade school.
Let me know if you have anyone in mind that I could have sex with, preferably a female because I am not gay. The proper kind of female would be rich, beautiful, and willing to let me sit around the house sipping bourbon all day while alternating between playing Call of Duty and failing at starting successful blogs. By the way I co-founded a new Chicago-themed satire website with some of my fellow authors from the old Chicago-themed satire website, which some of you may remember, and which mysteriously disappeared one day, it’s a long story, go visit www.TheChicagoDope.com sometime, it’s better than what we had before.
Now I’m listening to Cecilia by Simon and Garfunkel.
And now I’m listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s Zero on repeat.
And now for a random google image I found by googling “random google image”.
sex.
HOORAY.
