This is my first actual post, not counting GREAT BALLS OF FIRE, which was more like a filler piece to make my homepage less boring while I worked on site development (read: while I drank beer and searched WordPress and Atahualpa and GIMP forums for solutions to my stupid problems).
I thought it would be helpful to restart this blog (see my Story page for more details) by mentioning my background very briefly.
1) I am a missionary kid from Brazil. I was raised in an isolated little community that taught me how to think about everything – rock music (evil), alcohol, (it’s evil), sex (omfg EVIL), and life in general (it’s all evil and Satan will fuck you in the ass with lava dildos if you don’t believe in Jesus amen hallelujah).
2) I moved to the US after high school so I could attend college. I hold a B. A. from a very conservative Bible school. Did I mention the conservative part. Okay good.
3) During my college years, I slowly came to the realization that I no longer gave a shit about Christianity. It was a long and painful process. You could say that the main reason for my current lack of shit-giving is because I had front-row tickets for a lot of holy medieval-style torturefuckfests and all those experiences finally jarred my enslaved mind into harsh reality.
4) I now consider myself an atheist, although to be honest I don’t care much for labels. I just don’t think God is real, that’s all.
AND
5) I kick ass.
Thus my title, MISSIONARY KIDS KICK ASS.
I’m glad I can write like this now, because it hasn’t always been this much fun…
What do you do with your life when your entire worldview is suddenly vomited up in chunky little pieces all over the toilet seat? When the college degree you worked so hard for ends up being more useful for collecting jizzdrops than for showing off in a pretty frame? When the object of your former faith and trust turns out to be no more righteous than a divine threesome and you have to numb the bitterness and confusion with alcohol?
You do whatever the fuck it takes to keep surviving, I guess. I’m 26, and somewhat surprised about making it this far, since a few years ago I had pretty much given up on everything. 26 is still young, but… it’s not that young… should I just find myself a regular full-time salaried job somewhere instead of spreading myself out over three different part-time jobs that barely make me enough to pay the bills? Should I “settle down” and get married? Should I have sex with dogs?
HELL NO.
There’s gotta be more to life than that.
Maybe ducks?
JESUS.
No that doesn’t appear to have much potential either.
Other missionary kids?
Weeeeeellllll, FUCK.
Maybe not all missionary kids are able to kick the same amount of ass that I do. Of course, I haven’t met all the missionary kids in the world yet, so obviously I can’t say for certain either way.
And actually I don’t even remember what the point of this whole blog post was to begin with, so I think I’ll go to bed.
